Lets talk STL.

Our world right now is something we have never seen before. Not only are we living in a pandemic of COVID-19, but also a pandemic of racism. Although racism has always been here and extremely apparent, it took the death of George Floyd for people to acknowledge and educate themselves about the problems that exist within our systems. I guess the death of Mike Brown, Anthony Lamar Smith, and all the other countless deaths against POC by the hand of the police, who are supposed to protect and serve, was just not enough. 

For generations upon generations we have looked to our children to be the change we want to see.

Now is the time to make the change within ourselves.

Now is the time to be the change THEY need.

We need to take a step back, and look at the world through our children’s eyes to create that change before the burden is placed upon them. Instead of consistently telling them, “You are the future, you’re going to change the world one day," we need to be educating ourselves and giving them the real perspective they need.

NOW is the time to have the conversations to ensure our children have the resources to live with the intention of dismantling the cycle of racism and hate.  This may be the time to take our children to protests to experience the sense of love and community when people come together to fight for their rights and the rights of others. However, we cannot expect them to even start to understand the chants about justice and peace if we don’t have the conversations about privilege, giving or experiencing micro-aggressions, implicit bias’, and speaking up when others are treated unfairly. It may not be easy, and it may be uncomfortable, but if we continue to just teach our children that everyone is created equal and color doesn’t matter, without celebrating our differences and acknowledging the injustice that are happening daily, then we are a part of the problem.

Over a few weeks in June 2020,  a very diverse group of twenty five parents in our city were challenged to ask their children (ages 2-11) ten questions about racism and how they see the world today.

When I was creating the questions and thinking about how the parents would feel while asking them was extremely hard for me. I wanted to be raw, and wanted to really spark emotions that brought deep conversations, but I also had to keep in mind the age range and how they will understand the questions given.

Some of the questions were hard and the answers were incredibly raw, extremely deep, and honest. Some parents were even surprised at their childs’ answers and it set the stage for conversations. Our kids are giving us a chance to view our city through a new lens guided by their eyes and hearts, WE need to take advantage of that and educate ourselves to make sure the world they grow up in is better than we had.

Microaggressions are defined as the everyday, subtle, intentional — and oftentimes unintentional — interactions or behaviors that communicate some sort of bias toward historically marginalized groups.

(https://www.npr.org/2020/06/08/872371063/microaggressions-are-a-big-deal-how-to-talk-them-out-and-when-to-walk-away)

Although many of the kids said that they have not seen injustices happen or people treated unfairly around them, we have to ask ourselves,

Are they aware of the subtle bias they are faced with or giving daily?

Have you talked with your children about microaggressions and how they feel? Do they know the unintentional occurrences if disrespect are NOT okay? We know bullying hurts because of the outward verbal or physical abuse (in which we also need to be talking about), but how do they know it is okay to speak up against them?

Microaggressions happen daily and they hurt. We might shrug them off but think of the affect it has on our children when they happen to them. We don’t know that we are doing them unless they are spoken about and we live with the understanding of the negative message we are giving and intention of thinking before we speak.

We need to speak up when they happen, be accepting when we are called out for doing them, and educate ourselves enough to not do them at all. Our children soak up every piece of information we give them. Whether that be the actions we take or the words we speak; we are teaching them our faults without even realizing it.

For ideas on how to talk to your children about microaggressions and how to be anti-racist click >>>>> HERE<<<<<

To Understand what microaggressions are please click >>>>> HERE<<<<

I overheard a child talking to another child the other day about the “RIOTS” that were happening in St. Louis. After their conversation I sat with one of them and talked about what they think is happening and why. They heard someone say how scary they were and that people were doing bad things. They were scared the “riots” were going to come to their home or neighborhood.

Since I have been active in the protests in STL I know that things are not what they seem in the media. Yes, there are things that I would not do myself. However, we have to think of the amount of anger pinned up after being shut down and treating bad your whole life. So I sat with him and explained it like this:

Imagine. You are at home with mom and dad, even your siblings, and something in your backyard is on fire. The fire keeps getting bigger and bigger and BIGGER. You try to yell at mom and dad to tell them that there is a fire in the backyard but everyone is just doing what they were doing before you came in the room yelling. They ignored you or acted as if you were not there. You are now SCREAMING and still, everyone ignores you. How would that make you feel? Of course it would make you ANGRY. Of course it would make you SAD and SCARED. What happens when you are angry? Do you run up to your room? Throw something out of anger? Slam your door?

We aren’t saying it is okay to do those things. But what we are doing is giving them the connection and humanizing the horrible things that are being spread and shared about protests that may not be so peaceful as everyone would want them to be.

These conversations can be easier and get our kids can get the concept if we really take the time to make it so they understand and can relate.

*Need help with ways to spark these conversations?

Attend a protest. if you don’t feel comfortable, try looking for a child lead protest in your area.

Watch a live stream of a protest. (Expect US) is an amazing organization that shows the truth in their actions by live stream.

Read books with your children about activism. ( click HERE for suggested books)

As we grow, the one thing we hear from parents, teachers, and other adults, is to be kind to each other and keep our hands to ourselves. But one thing I do not think that we teach enough is to SPEAK UP and SPEAK OUT. Our kids get in trouble for “tattle tailing” and we tell them that we don’t want to hear about it, but what if we acknowledged them for speaking up while also being the mediator and helping them work out their conflict at the same time?

When something is not fair we need to speak up.

It is so easy to silence them and that may make them feel like they don’t have a voice. We have lived in a world for so long where we feel ashamed or looked down upon for our opinions, trauma, and being who we are. We see injustice happen and turn our cheek with fear of speaking out.

We must change this cycle. Our kids need to know how important their voice while acknowledging and encouraging them.

SILENCE = VIOLENCE.

For some ideas on how to give your children a voice click >>>>HERE<<<<